The Star Gazer
by sbfisher
Summary: How will life go on when tradegy strikes?


The Star Gazer

_I do not own Emergency! or any of the characters from the show._

By SB Fisher

April, 1981

The last of the visitors left murmuring a few words to the man escorting them out. He nodded his head and watched them walk down the steps to the cars parked on the curb before gently closing the door. He leaned forward and rested his head for a moment against the door before turning the lock and heading back through the house. He slowly made his way first to Chris and then to Jennifer's rooms. A glance showed him that Chris's room was empty. There in Jennifer's room, he found the 10 year old girl and her 13 year old brother wrapped up in each other's arms asleep, the grief apparent on their young faces. He reached down for the blanket at the end of the bed and covered his best friend's children knowing they needed each other now.

Johnny Gage continued his trek through the house stopping to grab a few drinks from the fridge before heading to the back patio. He paused to reflect on the young woman gazing up at the stars from her position on the patio. She gently pushed off the decking with her foot and set the porch swing swaying.

"Are you planning on standing there all night?" Joanne DeSoto called to him. He moved over to the swing and handed her one of the drinks before sitting down, all the while she never took her eyes off the stars. They sat in companionable silence for awhile before she spoke up again. "On the nights he would be home, and if the weather was good, we would come out here and look at the stars and talk about our day, about the kids, what mischief you were up to next," she glanced at him sideways with a small smile. Johnny responded with a smirk of his own, "or we would just sit here for hours, not saying a word, and just hold each other. Other nights we would try to guess which stars were which. Some nights, when he felt really romantic, he would grab my hand and say, 'I believe this is our dance, Mrs. DeSoto', and then we would dance under the stars to our own music."

Her voice catching, Johnny reached over and clasped one of her hands giving her a moment to do whatever she needed. Several minutes passed and she spoke again. "There were many nights I came out here when he was on shift, and I would gaze up at the stars and pretend he was here, especially when I was having a really bad day with the kids." She wiped her eyes. "That night you came to tell me about the – accident – I was out here, having one of my silent conversations with him, trying to decide how best to tell him ….."

Johnny nodded, not sure where they were heading, but knew that to speak now would cause her to change her mind.

"About a month ago, when I was showering, I found a lump." Johnny tightened his grip on her hand. She didn't have to elaborate what that meant. "Roy and I went and saw my doctor, who ran a whole series of tests. I got the results back that day of the accident." She shakily drew in a breath. "It's back, the cancer, and it's Stage IV. Roy and I spent several nights after that first visit with the doctor discussing the options. Johnny, we knew that and even if they start treatments, it's only going to delay the enviable."

Johnny, knowing there was nothing to be said now, simply gathered her up and held her.

And together they cried.

* * *

May, 1981

It had been several weeks since Roy's funeral and Joann's backyard announcement. As was now part of his routine, each day after his shift, Captain John Gage headed toward the DeSoto home to check on Joanne and the kids. Even though he and Roy had become captains of their own stations several years back, they had remained as close as two brothers could be. Because of this friendship, many years back, Johnny had made a promise to Roy if anything should ever happen to him, Johnny would help take care of the family. Roy had just shrugged and said he appreciated the offer.

They had always hoped it would never happen.

Even though Joanne was sure the treatments wouldn't work, she did agree to try some experimental drugs to try and slow the spread of the cancer, but flat out refused the chemo treatments. She had declared she would live as fully as she could and with as much dignity as was afforded her in what time she had left. Her family, including Johnny, decided to abide to her wishes. Because the new drugs tended to be unpredictable, Johnny had told both kids to call whether he was at home or at the station if they thought something was wrong with their mom.

On this particular morning after his shift, Johnny had ended up leaving the station a little later than usual. As he pulled into the driveway, he noticed the car was still in the garage. Walking up to the house, Johnny let himself in. "Hello?"

Christopher DeSoto, a spitting image of his father, walked down the hall to where his Uncle Johnny stood. "Uncle Johnny, I'm so glad you're here." Relief was evident on his face.

"What's going on?"

"I think Mom's really sick. She seemed fine when she went to lay down last night, but she didn't get up this morning and she looks like she's really hurting," the young man replied, leading his uncle to his mother's room. Johnny pushed the door open and walked over to her side of the bed.

"Jo?"

She squinted up at Johnny. "Hey, Johnny" she replied with a sick smile. "Don't suppose you could make the room stop spinning for a few minutes, huh?"

"Nope, sorry, forgot to get that fixed," he joked. He looked back over his shoulder where Chris and Jenny were standing at the door. "Ok, kids. Gather up your stuff and meet me at the car. I'll take you to school this morning." Both kids nodded and left without an argument. He turned back to Joanne. "Ok, here is the plan. I'm going to take the kids to school. Then, when I get back, I'll call your doctor to see if this is suppose to be one of those side effects. If not, we're making a trip – no arguments," he raised his finger to forestall the fight he could see rising up on her lips. "We need to see what's going with you, ok?"

Joanne looked up at him, and then smiled. "Ok, you're the boss."

Johnny gave her one of his lopsided grins. "About time you figured that out. I never could get Roy to understand that."

Sometime later, he returned to the house. First order of business was to contact her doctor. He assured Johnny that it was indeed a side effect to the drug, but if it continued for more than a day, then she would need to be brought in. Johnny's second phone call was to his neighbor to let him know he would be home that evening, but could he go let his horses out that morning for him.

After the phone calls were completed, Johnny proceeded to make dry toast and a weak tea for his patient and carried it up to her room. Once there, the paramedic in him couldn't resist and he proceeded to check her vitals.

"Everything working, Dr. Gage?" She teased. Johnny glanced at her. While her eyes were closed, she had a small smile on her face. "I think the medicine is beginning to balance out. I don't feel quite so nauseous anymore."

"Good," Johnny reached for the tray. "Then you can try to eat a little toast and drink this tea. It should settle fine on your stomach. I called your doctor. He said if the symptoms don't abate in the next twenty four hours, he wants to see you."

Joanne grimaced. Johnny chuckled. "Is that for the tea or going to see your doctor?"

"Both."

Johnny shook his head and was quiet for a few minutes, observing his friend. She had definitely lost some weight in the last few weeks. Her hand trembled as she lifted her mug. She was slipping fast, almost too fast.

He kept quiet while she took a few bites of her toast before she finally pushed it away. "When did the doctor change your prescription?"

She shrugged. "A few days ago. Didn't think it was a big deal at the time." She glanced over at him. "Thanks for taking the kids on to school for me." Joanne closed her eyes and leaned back against her pillows. When she reopened them, she looked up at Johnny and saw the concern in his eyes, but there was also more. "Ok, spill it."

Johnny feigned innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about the idea that's floating around in your head. Roy always came home telling me of some your ideas --"

"Yeah, some of them were real doozies." He conceded. He paused before continuing. "Jo, knowing what I know about your condition, I was wondering if maybe you and the kids would like to spend some time at the ranch with me. Schools will be out soon for the summer. Chris and Jenny know how to ride and take care of the horses, plus they pretty much know the entire area like the back of their hands. I'll be there most of the time except when I go on shift. What do you say, plenty of fresh air for them and you, plenty of room, too."

Joanne sighed. It would be wonderful, but, "Johnny, we don't want to impose on you."

"You're not imposing, I'm asking. And, as you and Roy used to pound into my head, we're family and families are suppose to take care of their own."

She fingered the edge of her quilt before looking back at him. "You realize, this move could be permanent?"

He nodded gravely. "I know."

* * *

June 1981

School had been out only a few days, but the last few weeks had been a whirlwind of activities from end of school parties to packing up the DeSoto household to move in with Johnny. When Johnny had originally purchased the old ranch house, he had envisioned some day of filling it with a family. So he had worked to restore the three bedrooms upstairs for himself and who ever decided to come out. Generally it was Chris and Jenny and each had laid "claim" to each of the spare bedrooms long before the thoughts of permanently moving had crossed anyone's minds. Johnny also had an old study he had been in the process of remodeling to be used to store all his old books, but changed tracks to have it completed as a fourth bedroom once Joanne had agreed to the move. Here, she would have access to all the downstairs amenities such as the kitchen, living area, and the back patio.

One night, after the last of the boxes had been unloaded from the moving truck and the original guys from 51 had left filled with pizza, Johnny walked through the house to check on the status of the unpacking. Seeing that it was late, he headed up the stairs to check on each of the kids. Jenny was already sprawled out on top of her full size bed asleep and still dressed. Johnny gently removed her shoes and covered her with her blanket from the end of the bed.

Next, he stepped into Christopher's room and saw the boy unpacking some of his books into the bookshelf. "Hey, Chris, it's getting late. Not much longer, ok?"

"Ok, Uncle Johnny." The young man acknowledged his uncle and returned to finish his chore.

Johnny returned downstairs and went through the kitchen, stopping to get a few drinks from the fridge before heading to the patio out back. He paused and saw her seated and gazing at the stars.

"I feel a sense of déjà vu." She joked turning her head toward her "little brother", as she had been calling him the last few weeks.

Johnny moved from his spot by the patio doors and walked over to her. "Oh, yeah?" he quipped, handing her one of the drinks.

She chuckled. "Yeah. You did the same thing a couple months ago. Just stood there and watched me watching the stars."

Johnny glanced back at the stars, then shrugged. "Wasn't sure if you were talking to Roy or just gazing. Didn't want to interrupt." He remained silent and waited for her to respond.

Joanne considered his words before remarking. "I guess I was talking with Roy, but never think for one minute you are intruding. If I need a moment alone, I'll let you know. But otherwise, never think you are." She paused for another moment. "I guess I was asking him if what I was doing was right."

"Well?" Johnny took a sip, then looked at her. "What did he tell you?"

She smiled. "That I am." Companionable silence followed and the two friends sat drinking and looking at the stars. "Johnny, my lawyer is coming out here on Monday."

"Huh?" Johnny sat down on the step next to her. "Why?"

"I think you know why, Johnny. It was another question I was asking Roy, but I believe he would agree with me on this. Johnny, Roy was an only child and you know my only sister died two years ago. His parents are gone, and my mother is too old to take care of them. And, as I've been stating for weeks, I think of you as my long, lost little brother," She leaned over and cupped his cheek with her hand. "Johnny, we would like to name you guardian to our children."

Johnny glanced away and stared at out at the pasture. "Are you sure? I mean, do you think I can raise these two for you? I love them and all, but, I'm not sure I'll be able to do as good of a job as you and Roy. "

She turned his face back toward her. "Yes, I do. You've done a wonderful job of being there with them this entire time. You will continue to do so. Besides, if you ever feel you have to, you can always come and talk to the stars," she replied with a sad smile and tears in her eyes.

"I am honored that you think I can. I'll try not to disappoint you and Roy too much." They both grinned at this statement, then settled back to watch the stars dance across the dark sky.

* * *

August 1981

In the end, she made it known that she did not want to die in the hospital. When it was her time, she wanted to be at home with her family around her. Once again, Johnny and her children backed her completely. Johnny briefly moved in with Chris so Joanne's mother could have a place to stay those last few weeks. She had at first voiced, very strongly, what she thought of Joanne's decision to entrust Johnny with her children. Eventually, the arguments stopped and life carried on, such as it was.

She struggled to maintain a face of courage for them all, laughing and reliving stories of camping trips, disastrous parties, and Christmases long ago. The last few days were the hardest and finally Johnny put in a temporary leave of absence from the department, knowing they didn't have much time left.

Then one night, as they sat around her bed, Joanne weekly grasped Johnny's hand and said, "The stars. I have to see the stars." Nodding, he gathered her up in his arms and headed toward the patio. Chris led the way opening the doors and Jenny trailed behind with her mother's favorite quilt. Johnny lowered himself to the top step and sat Joanne next to him. Chris sat on her other side with Jenny at her feet.

Joanne glanced up at the stars and sighed. "I miss him so much."

"I know, Jo. He's waiting for you. It's ok to go."

Chris responded, "Yeah, mom, we're going to be okay."

Jenny kissed her cheek. "Go to daddy, mom."

Joanne glanced at her two children and her "little brother" one last time. "I love you all so much."

Her eyes turned once more to the stars. There, in just a short distance, she saw him. She smiled at him. "Jo, I think this is our dance. Care to join me among the stars?"

"Oh course, I'll dance with you, Roy. Always." She took his outstretched hand and glided away with him into the stars.

* * *

October 1981

Johnny pulled his Land Rover into the yard in front of the house. It was later than he had wanted to come home, but it couldn't be helped. In the months since he had taken on the responsibilities of a paramedic supervisor, he had been able to work a more normal schedule than he did previously as a fire station captain. It didn't hurt that the job had come with a raise. But some nights, it was required for him to spend some time in the field with new trainees to ensure they were coming up to speed and could handle the job. Tonight was one of those nights.

After checking on the stables, Johnny walked back to the house and headed up the stairs. He checked first on Jenny, finding her already in bed asleep with "A Winkle in Time" still clutched in her hands. Johnny gently removed the book, marked it, and placed it by her bed before kissing her temple and turning off the lamp.

His next stop was Christopher's room. The fourteen year old had just started high school and seemed to always have a lot of homework to do. "Chris, be sure to turn in by 11," he reminded the youth.

"I will, Uncle Johnny." Chris looked up briefly thenreturned to his algebra.

"Hey," the blond head came back up, "nice job on the stables." Chris grinned at the complement and returned diligently to his work.

Stopping by the kitchen, pausing to grab a drink for himself, Johnny headed out to the patio. It had been a hell of a day. Sinking down to the steps, he gazed up at the stars and began to tell Roy and Joanne about his day and how the kids were doing.

The End.

AN: This is my first ever E! story so a huge thanks goes to Candee for reading my story and to give me a few suggestive changes.


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